One issue that I am trying to deal with lately is how easily I become distracted and don't listen in meetings. When I don't hear what people are saying in meetings, I fail to hear the message and it defeats my purpose for being there. I might as well not even be there because I don't get any benefit from it. When I my mind wanders during the meeting, I am trying to refocus my attention onto the person speaking, but I struggle with it.
Ticket meetings are common at the GLBT clubhouse where I go to most of my meetings. I like ticket meetings because I feel the random element injects my H.P.'s will into the course of the meeting. However, when I have something I want to say, I start get frustrated when my number isn't called. As the meeting goes on, I find myself rehearsing my share in my head or getting impatient for whoever is speaking to finish their share. At this point, I'm not hearing anybody but myself.
Another distraction is cross-talk. My home group is a very large Friday night meeting. There are often four or five conversations going on during the meeting at once. I have very sensitive hearing and a whisper across the room is enough to distract me and take me out of the moment. I have enough trouble tuning out the sound of the air conditioning, the overhead fans, the traffic on the adjacent road, etc., without having to try to listen over all the chatter. I can get very irritated, which doesn't help me focus. I just stew for the rest of the meeting, feeding resentments for everyone who makes it difficult for me to listen to the speaker.
One distraction that came up at tonight's 10 o'clock meeting is lust. The speaker is someone I've been acquainted with for years, but I can never remember his name when I run into him. This is probably because I have always unconsciously thought of him as meat and not a person. For the first few minutes of his share, I kept sharing at the hole in the crotch of his jeans rather than listening. I had to try very hard to redirect my attention, but I did it. I could relate to his share on a number of levels and it made me realize that he was, in fact, a whole human being with thoughts and feelings. I don't think I'll have trouble remembering his name in the future.
The only solution to the problem, I think, is prayer. I think I'm going to try praying to my H.P. before each meeting to help me hear the message. I think this is a good idea, but it came from my mind and is therefore suspect by default. This idea came from the same brain that sees Ultimate Fighting Championship on television and says, "I could totally do that!" I have to remember to talk to my sponsor and other alcoholics about my ideas before putting them into action, because my alcoholic mind can make delusional, self-serving or just plain horrendously bad ideas seem like good ones. I don't, at this time, see any harm in using prayer in this way. It may or may not help, but I don't think it could hurt to try. My sponsor might see something in my motives that I don't, so I'll run it by her tomorrow when we go over my Step One work.
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2 comments:
I feel the same way about meetings. SOme of them are just not that good because of the distractions. For me, I just have to go to the ones that are run better or whatever. It means more of an effort for me because I am lazy as I have a regular meeting just 5 minutes away by car.
I believe it is a mistake to dwell too much on the negative parts of the meetings but rather to deal with it. One idea is to sit in the front. This can help.
But also the type of meeting is important. I personally do not like discussion meetings that much.
Most of the time lately, there are shares that drive me up a wall. Like sharing about a relapse. I mean comone we are here to revell in our well being at living without substances.
ANother thing is when people use the "F" word alot. I am not being Mr. Prude or anything, but the way most people use it, is a kind of violence type of way. It is a signal to be that the person is kind of a fake. You need to get rid of the anger to have this program work. The idea is that
the most important thing in your life, besides you physical health, is your sobriety, (it's connected of course). Anything that would feed your disease, like feelings of anger and resentment, these have to go, live and let live is the only way.
I have more but it's enough.
So yes, meetings can be a problem. that is why I have been going to an email fellowhship that is way more valuable to me than alot of these meetings.
But I think the idea is to find a better group, get involved in service, do groups that read the Big book, so it's not free for all BS session type sharing.
Enjoy, and congrtulations on your sobriety.
We always have a moment of silence before the recitation of the Serenity Prayer. I use that time to give thanks for the grace that brought me there, that it enable me to listen with open ears and heart and if called upon to share that I do it in my Higher Power's name. I have a hard time not concentrating on what I would say if I were to be called on, but I am working on it.
And I totally understand about the hole in the crotch of jeans.
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